guide to south african nightlife

a flowchart for how to decide if a nightclub, bar, or lounge is a good idea, based on my limited experience.

the --> means "if yes".

step one: 

do you see only or mostly white people? 

--> are folks wearing 'subculture' clothes, ie the kind that one group of kids wore in middle school/high school? --> leave

--> is bad 90s rock music playing? --> leave

--> are there pool tables? --> not into pool? --> consider leaving.

--> is it a gay bar? --> is it not very crowded? --> it is probably not a good one, maybe leave.

step two: 

do you see non-white people/a well-mixed group?

--> is the music not rock? --> give it a shot

--> is there an extreme cover charge? --> leave

--> is it a gay bar? --> is it fairly crowded? --> give it a shot

step three:

are there samosas available?

--> buy a whole bunch and enjoy them, then repeat the other steps.

step four:

is there a creeper old dude sitting the back staring at you and your friends, with his fly unzipped and his hand down his pants, and a big grin on his face? 

--> LEAVE NOW, lest you throw away cash money for the bar version of a creepy subway ride in new york. 

special thanks for that last nightlife lesson goes to the ex-pat hangout "stones" in observatory, cape town. i am sure there is a good time somewhere, but each time folks talk me into going out, i am reminded of what i'm spared when i decline.

in other news, i am already wondering if/how to get back to cape town again. it is wonderful. it is everything i love about south africa mixed with everything i love about dubrovnik & the surrounding area in croatia, with a bunch of english speakers and great public transit. perfect. pictures & adventure re-counting next week!